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diana

lesson no. 1: if it's a psychological problem that's driving at your stomach, give in to it. because if you dont, everything will just be blown out of proportion later.

lesson no. 2: if you ignored the above, dont even attempt fasting the next day. it wont work.

lesson no. 3: if you havent followed the first two lessons, you'd have already learnt the third.

 yeah so that basically sums up the weekend. i think i'll revise this little plan of mine: i'll fast religiously during the 5-day week and then just be normal for the weekend. it really is quite impossible not to, what with a mother, a father, a sister and two maids. and anyway, i think it'll be good for me. like just let loose for a couple of days to recharge and all and then back again on my feet. of course i'll try to eat as little as possible, but basically, fasting will be quite impossible and should be a no-no for me anyway.

i was just gonna be sarcastic and say, "i really should learn from experience," because...well, that sorta says everything, but i realize that saying all that wont do anything for me. i'd have just said it and let it be. i like this blog because i can say everything in full without having to be cryptic and hide behind my words, and i think that really helps. when you let everything out and see your thoughts and write them down, it helps. you learn better. you'll remember. you'll know exactly why you went wrong, where you went wrong, what you're gonna do about it, and guess what? you will do something about it. rather than just be sardonic about it and let it be.

like i always think that that one statement is a chilling enough reminder for me, the acerbicness (i hope there's such a word) is enough to pierce through my heart and maime it, but...no, it isnt enough. it affects me, yes, but saying it and it affecting me in that way doesnt really do anything for me, if you know what i mean. i will still make the same mistakes because i have only plucked the sour fruit that this tree bears. but in time, the tree will just go on to bear more fruit. if i really want to change, i have to state that fact and then explore it- dig up the soil, find the roots and yank them out.

so there. three lessons and i have learnt the third- trust yourself, listen to yourself, lean back on experiential knowledge and follow the first two (lessons).

20.4.08 09:42
 


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