im actually rather proud of myself today. i mean, i know i've fasted before and all, and this is really no big thing, but fasting after a period of bingeing or just plain eating is always the hardest thing, because your body has reverted to the old ways again and you've not fasted long enough for your body to miss fasting.
the first day is always the hardest. in fact, it's total shit. but...if you cant get through the first day, how do you expect to ever achieve anything? how do you expect to live through the day after, as if it would be any more easier or different? it's got to be THIS day, this moment, NOW. and yes, it will be shitty. but think about it- in the grand scheme of all days, this is just one day. cant you just grin and bear it for this one day?
i know already, and this is not pscyhological but experiential, that tomorrow will be fab and real easy. easy-weasy-peasy just like that, and it will get subsequently easier as the days go by. (what will not get easier, however, is avoiding dinner under the nose of my family) it'll become habit! and i'll get slim, slim, slim. yay. ...of course i will have a shitty day here and there in the middle of things, but that's only expected. and, once again from experience (and you have witnessed this one before), im just gonna have to grin and bear it like i did for the first.
so yeah, im really proud of myself today. can you imagine? i almost gave up. i was so close to just throwing the towel in and going, "you know what? i cant take this. tomorrow. just one bite for today. just one tiny bite." and okay, so while i admit i had a bit more than i planned for dinner (a mango seed, an apple and lots of raisins), the main thing is that i was able to keep my fast the whole day and it was a controlled meal, rather than a binge. so good job, di! you're getting there. just take it one step at a time. focus on the present, focus on the now, stop dreaming about the future if you're not currently doing anything to get there AND forget about the past. screw-ups? throw them in the dustbin.
love you too, christine. tell me how you're doing.