i really like this quote: motivation is what gets you started. habit is what keeps you going. it's so true, isnt it? that should really help me. also the thing about hunger- lern den Hunger zu lieben. nach allem bedeutet das, dass dein Fett verbrennt wird. Also, Hunger = weniger Fett. macht doch Sinn, oder?
anyway, i realized that the best thinspiration is yourself. i mean, looking at all these skinny perfections is one thing, but really, nothing hits home harder than seeing yourself skinny...when you were skinny...and then you're like, "oh my gosh...i used to be that. and i can be that again." it involves a lot of self-pity and lament, and that really fuels you up for some skinny action.
im thinking the eating habits in saudi arabia wont go down well with me...i've sorta come up with a plan- fruit for breakfast, fruit for lunch and lots of arabian coffee for dinner. sounds good, huh? i know. =) but then of course it'll be so hypocritical for me to "act" skinny when im NOT skinny! and anyway, do i really wanna go to saudi arabia fat?
hey you know what, forget even that. the question is, do i even want to be fat right now? how much longer do i wanna be fat? am i gonna wait till 15th may to be thin? and think about it...lose weight here, lose weight there...it makes for one beautifully skinny diana. if you can dream it, you can do it, baby.
...i dont want to have to go for another exchange trip where yet again, people remember me as that plump little girl named diana. no. once and for all, i wanna be skinny again. i want people to go, "woah, look at that." and if i want something, i have to go and do it. i'll be skinny...just like before. and i'll have the best time of my life, forever. i'll never be fat again, never ever ever.
i've been having a real rough week last week, which basically means that for one or more complex reasons, my eating habits just went awry, but mom wants me to become thin too (i mean, who doesnt?) and so i've struck a deal with her that i'll eat only an apple for dinner. i mean really, it's hard eating an apple at every dinner without it escaping your mother's attention, and i explained to her why i was doing it, promised her it would work and she's agreed to it, thank God.
of course, what she doesnt know, is that i will not be eating lunch either. which is just great. i mean, how could she know with me being in school and all? goes perfectly with my plan, doesnt it? yeah, i know, im a genius. haha. to execute everything with utmost perfection, i have drawn up a countdown on my whiteboard, so when a day goes perfectly well, i cross it out.
this whole countdown is really good, by the way, because like you can see all the days stretching out in front of you and all, and realize how little time you have by your side and how much each and every day counts. also, it's quite repulsive to see a day singled out for being bad. worse, when there are multiple bad days. it's a very effective indicator indeed.
okay so i really hope everything goes well. 7 days from now i hope to be 46kg. will that work, do you think? though hey, who cares whether i think it will work or not- i'll bloody MAKE it work. and i'll do whatever it takes. but by this time, this day next week, i am going to be sitting her gushing to you about how im 46kg.